'Sunderland 'Til I Die' gives the people what they want in episode four - 'Playing Poker' - a terrifying glimpse into the January Transfer Window^TM.

Like Super Hans' house party, we all want to have a peer inside the dark machinations of our club's transfer business, but we are horrified by what we see. It is kind of how conspiracy theories emerge; it is almost more comforting to us that a global network of malevolence is in control. The chaos and disorder is almost more frightening.

On that note, Josh Maja has finally gone to Bordeaux. As if to answer Stewart Donald's rhetorical question 'Why would you want to leave Sunderland?', Maja completes a plot point so obvious that it's been difficult to not mention in the three previous reviews.

Sunderland 'Til I Die - the smell of want

So, to his replacement, and the pungent scent of want from Sunderland AFC.

As soon as Maja's agent starting playing silly bollocks, Donald and the club should have had a list of targets drawn up. "They think we're desperate," the owner says, momentarily putting down his tub of Haagen Dazs to cry into his framed picture of Maja.

We are introduced to the target - Wigan's Will Grigg.

He might not be much, but at least the signing gives both fans and commentators to CONSTANTLY refer to 'Will Grigg's on fire' - a song so outdated that it wouldn't surprise you if the singer tried to impress you by pulling a Tamagotchi from their Pepe Jeans.

The curious negotiation starts, as they hunker down in an office environment so sterile as to provoke infertility. It is difficult to get across just how difficult it is to keep track of what bids are being made when and to whom. But, by the end of it, Donald has made four bids for Grigg.

"They're asking for £10m, I'm going to offer £1.5m," he says - before checking with Jack Ross as to whether he actually wants him.

"The offer you put in - he is not worth any more than that. Not a chance," says Ross.

As if to hammer home the point, Ross says: "He's just not worth it," with Grigg presumably swishing his hair around like some sort of Lancastrian anti-L'Oreal.

"He GIVES the tests.."

Naturally, this ringing endorsement forces Donald to go back in with a £3m bid.

Genuinely, the whole thing does give an interesting insight into the madness of deadline day and the desperation of teams that are caught out. The producers explain the concept of the 'January Transfer Window TM' with Jim White's voice looming like some sort of Orwellian all-seeing-eye. A flash of yellow tie, the Glaswegian pronunciation of Michy Batshuayi - it is a horrifying ensemble for those uninitiated.

Meanwhile, Sunderland fans are glued to their radios as intensely as if they were waiting on an update on JFK's condition. As 11pm approaches, Will Grigg is finally secured for £3m rising to £4m, leaving Donald to delight in capturing his man.

Four. Million. Pounds. There have been less desperate people left wiping pepper spray from their eyes.

Will Grigg - the anti-goal

The rest of the episode is a series of Stewart Donald being clapped on the back for getting someone - anyone - in. This is the sad reality of losing a star player and being caught on the hop, the replacement is put under an extraordinary amount of pressure.

Grigg is shown in action, missing chance after chance as he tries to get into the rhythm of the side. Eventually, he is given a penalty by Aiden McGeady, but the sense that Grigg and Sunderland will be star-cross'd lovers pervades.

The situation looms large over another of Donald and Charlie Methven's media appearances, this time on a fan podcast hosted by a bloke with the Rottweiler senses of Paxman in the body of a barman at a metal club.

"That'll be £4.80, mate."

Donald is actually disarmingly-naive; he is asked why Will Grigg isn't fitting in, whose fault this is and whether Jack Ross' job is under threat. Donald, remarkably, just answers the questions. It is as if they shouldn't have sacked their Communications Manager after all.

Methven is visibly-bristling the whole time and finally jumps in to rebut the presenter and rescue Donald from a mess of his own making: "Making micro man-in-the-pub analysis of employees... is just not on," he says, entirely negating his own worldview in one sentence.

Meanwhile, Grigg finally scores a goal - a penalty given to him by Aiden McGeady. It is then played out as some success for Donald and the club, that his signing scored.

As if coming full-circle, one is again reminded of the misanthropy of Peep Show: 'There's a Harvey Nicholls in Leeds now, which everyone goes on about as if it's the answer to something."

If Will Grigg is the answer, what was the question?

Part one of our series of reviews is here.

Part two is here.

Part three, predictably, is here.

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