We’re four episodes deep into Love Island 2019. We’ve seen couplings and uncouplings, hearts break and hearts mend, and a whole truckload of vanity. What a time to be alive.
But who have been the standout performers so far? Here are our official player ratings of the young people currently plying their trade in the villa, in no particular order.
(We have helpfully included quick descriptions in brackets in case you need a handy guide to separate your Callums from your Curtises)
Tommy (Tyson Fury's brother)
Some mixed messages - says he loves Hannah Montana yet proceeds to needlessly kill The Climb. Do you really love her Tommy? Really???
Refers to affection for Lucie as “my world title fight”, which is a spectacular rise given he has fought two professional fights ever.
He and the narrator are in severe danger of running out of boxing puns before next week.
Player rating: 7/10
Lucie (surfer)
Took 2 days to eat an apple and a banana and I will never stop thinking about this. Did they get eaten? Why didn't they tie up this vital plotline?
Still vital to storylines of the house but Joe being less of a total psycho has had a knock-on effect on excitement.
Player rating: 6/10
Joe (Aldi version Harry Styles)
Once again, showed little composure but has seemed to realise that maybe he wasn't actually in love with someone he had met 36 hours ago.
Scaled it back a little on Lucie, but still thinks he'll win her over. “I’ll always back myself, regardless of who I’m up against”, he said. Someone needs to inform him that he is literally up against a professional boxer.
Also - he is terrified of Amber, hampering a somewhat redeeming performance.
Player rating: 6/10
Amber (already past nickname stage)
Good team player - Joined team AAA.
Bad team player - immediately threw AAA's first mission into chaos.
No nonsense defender, not afraid to go in studs-up and instils fear into the opposition.
MVP of Love Island 2019 so far.
Player rating: 9/10
Anton (Scottish guy)
Consistent performance, eager to constantly dispossess the opposition.
Good work was somewhat undone by doing that stupid Wolf of Wall Street chest-thumping thing.
Will emerge as a leader as the season develops, should take Sherif's place in the side soon.
Player rating: 7/10
Curtis (dancer guy)
Said ideal date is a picnic in an olive tree field, then proceeds to say he doesn’t like olives
Saved himself by getting the shift.
Destroyed himself again by using flip flops as punching pads
Player rating: 6/10
Amy (woman who consistently mentions never having had a boyfriend)
Midfield general. Acts with conviction and leadership.
Example: Before getting the shift, she announced: “I am going to instigate the snuggle tonight,” sounding like how Winston Churchill might have gone about spooning a loved one.
Player rating: 8/10
Sherif (hide & seek player 1)
Goes missing in the big games.
New signing threatening his position and he decides to down tools for a section of the episode.
Signs of heart in closing minutes needs to be a sign of things to come if he doesn't want to get released.
Player rating: 3/10
Yewande (#COYBIG)
Postpone the reception at the Walkinstown Roundabout, our Irish representative is not getting much air time.
Player rating: 3/10
Anna (hide & seek player 2)
Interesting decision-making on show, giving Sherif more time to prove himself despite the fact that he is literally hiding from her.
May have to move to the same wing as Anton.
Player rating: 4/10
Michael (tattoos)
Still there.
Still contributing nothing.
Still has tattoos.
Player rating: 2/10
Callum (Stephen Warnock)
Still there.
Still contributing nothing.
Doesn't even have tattoos.
Player rating: 1/10
Molly-Mae (new addition)
Not off the bench long enough to receive a performance rating.
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